"called to build the kingdom first through the romance and adventure of our home..."


Post 64 | "Here's To The Mess We Make"

“The walls of the rational, empirical world are famously porous."
Wendell Berry

My favorite scene in oh-so-popular "La La Land" is the emotional climax of the film. A song and moment called "The Audition." If you've seen it, you probably at least got chills too... and if you haven't I won't spoil it for you.

But one of the repeated lines in the sincere serenade is "Here's to..." Here's to the fools who dream, here's to the hearts that ache, that type of thing.

I've found myself both sarcastically and meaningfully using that line as its been stuck in my head the last few weeks. (Like, as I run to the bathroom very urgently the thought crosses my mind "Well HERE'S to coffee!" Or walking through through International Plaza Mall thinking "Here's to double strollers!" I want to high-five every other mom with her kids strapped in too. The little joys. Or buying splurge items with Christmas gift cards: "HERE. IS. TO. GIIIIIFT CARDS!")

So, as I've been toasting my way through life... I have to say: Here's to those of us making life decisions.





Here's to spending two days on Zillow and Craigslist and Trulia (and realizing Trulia is inferior) and going back to Zillow and changing the parameters and scrolling until your wrist is sore.

Here's to calculating how much you spend on rentals and thinking we should just buy and then looking at houses for sale and making a stink-nose at everything "you could afford." Yeah, all the beautiful houses are just one momentarily unreachable notch up, huh?

Here's to asking "So what do you think?" and having him basically detail all the options and asking back "What do you think?" while you reply by saying "I don't know" and listing out all the options in a slightly different way and asking "So what do you think," over and over.

Here's to google wisdom, forums from 2010, and "best places to live in [pick your state/region]." 

Here's to that secret pinboard you start furiously adding to to let off some steam. "This WILL get figured out someday. And when it does, I'm gonna be ready. And probably much richer!"

Here's to those decisions you have to make for yourself. The "fork in the road" life paths, to the left or to the right? Make a choice!

Here's the life decisions someone else makes for you... and you have to wait. Wait for that application to go through. Wait to hear back. Wait to find out. Wait for it to happen. How long should you wait? Don't waste your wait! And don't count your chickens until the eggs have hatched! Be patient! Be productive! Waiting. Here's to bloop-blooping waiting.

Here's to how much you love and care about the people you love and care about. How much it matters to you to make good decisions for and about them.

Here's to that favorite drink in your kitchen that's gonna take the edge off of LIFE.

Here's to being self-employed when trying to prove income, for most government/medical/financial institutions not accepting e-mail copies (and 50/50 on faxes... but guaranteed: if you WANT them to accept a fax, they won't) and for always going to the bank on National Holidays. And for craving Chick-fil-a on Sundays.

Here's to singing.

Here's to balancing what you can afford, what you want, what you really want (like "What I Want My Legacy To Be!" Want), what you have time for, and where all that happens.

Here's to those pros-cons lists. Here's to caring about the well-being of your family, of yourself, of those you love. Here's to trying and making a mess of it.

Here's to the freedom to try.

Here's to s***-sandwiches (It's a good point).

Here's to logging into your bank accounts online. And forgetting the log-in info. And calling the bank and getting it straightened out. And logging into your account online. And looking at the screen out of one eye as the page loads, hoping on a star that maybe there is more in there than you remembered ("Maybe that last check hadn't been deposited the last time I looked..."). (Spoiler Alert: There's not.)

Here's to wondering if you're being selfish or a steward; being brave or crazy; being wise or fearful; being someone who fights through obstacles or is stubbornly bent on their own way even when it's a bad idea.

Here's to making a big, fat, mile-marking, actually changes the course of your life life decision.

Here's to the miracles. 

Here's to physical effects in your body (like an actually warm heart or actually jumpy limbs or eyes that have really doubled in size) when it starts to get exciting. "We might be on to something here! This could be it!"

Here's to wistfulness.

Here's to wit. And all the other qualities you lean on to get through it.

Here's to being in your story.

Here's to giving up some of those things you would really, really, really like for some other things that are really, really, really good and real.

Here's to the music building. The audience guessing. Here's to all the ways the story could go.

Here's to The Author.

And here's to the sun burning at 10,000-50,000 °F, usually sashaying through the living room right before dinner. 

“I see that the life of this place is always emerging beyond expectation or prediction or typicality, that it is unique, given to the world minute by minute, only once, never to be repeated.
And this is when I see that this life is a miracle,
absolutely worth having, absolutely worth saving.

We are alive within mystery, by miracle.” 

(Wendell Berry, Life is a Miracle: An Essay Against Modern Superstition)

Ps. In our current AirBNB the angle of the house, the position of the house on the land, and the placement of the windows means that every single night *right* before the sun sinks below the horizon line its light *explodes* into the whole living area. The pictures in this post were taken in the same 30 seconds. It goes from normal bright/white to orange burst ocean to darkened shadowy in a snap. It's so magical and beautiful I can't stand it.